Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
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