I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
