It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
