Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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