Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
