Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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