would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We got so high we made milksteak
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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