Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
