dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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