why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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