Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
