So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
