You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She's the barista slut.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
