I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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