I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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