I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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