Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
