$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
farters have to be the big spoon...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
this boner is exhausting
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
