Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
