The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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