Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
