I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
