what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
