his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
