At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
