Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
