mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
