sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
