If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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