My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
