Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
