There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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