Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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