just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
