after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
