I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
