the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I love you. Go after that dick
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
