oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
