We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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