I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
