You don't have asthma, your pregnant
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
