i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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