Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
