bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
