Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude. I can hear the air.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
