Your face is a jimmy john
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
