I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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