My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have aggressive nipples.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
