I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
