Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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