Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
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